


Pon Farr

by Kati67



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Angst, Fuck Or Die, Love, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2014-12-06
Packaged: 2018-02-25 09:00:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2616035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kati67/pseuds/Kati67
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Enterprise is on its way to bring Khan to a prison planet. Spock however is having some other things on his mind; his first Pon Farr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Enterprise is on its way to bring Khan to a prison planet. Spock however is having some other things on his mind; his first Pon Farr.

Spock stood in front of the window in his room looking at the nebula that they were exploring. They were on a mission to take Khan to a moon behind the nebula for his punishment. It would be his final prison. He really should go and help in the astrometrics lab but he had a lot on his mind. The past few weeks had been very nerve-racking to say the least. The whole situation with Khan was getting to him more than he wanted to admit. After his friend and captain had come back from the dead by using Khan’s blood in a hospital on Earth they all had a long time off to recuperate and Nyota Uhura had to stay behind this trip to care for her sick mother. They had been in a relationship of sorts for a while now but he really didn’t know if he could continue that. It was illogical like a lot of things were come to think of it. He felt he had to meditate again like he was doing for the most part of this voyage ever since they were back in space. He was restless. He felt like this could possibly be his first Pon Farr he had to deal with and it was not something he was looking forward too. He felt embarrassed even thinking about it (even though embarrassment was an illogical feeling and an emotion) and with Nyota on Earth he had to deal with it somehow. Every seven years from now he was going to get these feelings if he wasn’t going to die first without Uhura to help him out. He very well couldn’t just pick a random female from the crew to help him.

He walked away from the window and sat down on his bed and closed his eyes.  
As soon as he did the image of Khan appeared in his mind. Not Uhura but Khan was occupying him for days now. His face, his blue eyes, and his dark hair and his mouth the way the man’s lips parted or that time when tears welled up in his eyes. Spock opened his eyes again. ‘Stop it’ he yelled kicking his bed post.

His comm made a noise: ‘Commander Spock to the bridge’

‘Acknowledge’ Spock replied.

He walked to his small bathroom and splashed some water over his face. When he looked in the mirror he saw a bewildered man that he didn’t even know.

                                                                         _________________________

‘Tired much?’ Kirk asked when Spock came out of the turbolift.

‘I’m sorry Captain’ Spock simply said without further explanation.

‘Hmm’ Kirk replied and looked at the view screen ‘See that?’ he pointed ‘Right there in the middle of the nebula’

Spock glanced at his own screen to see what Kirk meant. ‘Yes I see it now Captain. It’s Klingon’

‘Bring it closer on the view screen Mr Sulu and raise the shields’ Kirk said.

'Shields raised sir'

‘It seems to be a Klingon Bird of Prey captain' Spock said.

‘Damn we don’t need them to pry’ Kirk mumbled a curse. ‘Have they seen us?’ he asked in general.

‘I guess they have sir’ Sulu said and before he could say ‘they’re charging weapons’ the Enterprise was hit by the first blast of Klingon’s weapons fire.

'Mr Sulu full impulse'

'Impulse isn't working sir' Sulu replied.

‘Scotty why can't we get the hell out of here!’ yelled Kirk through the comm to his head of engineering.

‘Aye sir I’ll do me bloody best’ Scotty yelled back.

‘Load torpedo’s and fire when ready’

‘Firing sir’ Sulu replied

The Klingon's weapons fire kept on going.

'Sir the shields are weakening'

‘Captain I must point out that we do have sensitive cargo’ Spock said thinking of Khan Noonien Singh who was in stasis in his cryotube.

‘I am well aware of that Spock’ Kirk looked at his second in command. Why would he bring that up now? Why would he care about that man anyway?

Another discharge hit the Enterprise. ‘Sir we’ve lost weapons’ Sulu said.

‘Scotty, why isn't the ship moving yet?’ Kirk shouted through the comm.

‘Because sir’ Scotty said with a lot of noise around him coming from engineering ‘we have a wee bit of damage here’

Kirk cursed ‘Spock you go and see if you can help and see to the cargo while you’re at it. We need it to arrive safely on its destination’

‘Yes Captain’ Spock walked past Kirk on his way to the elevator and Kirk held him by the arm: ‘Spock if anything happens… shoot to kill. Don’t take any chances alright?’

Spock nodded. He checked his phaser and set it to stun.

                                                                ________________________________

With a jolt the turbolift stopped at engineering. Steam and heat was hitting Spock’s face when he made his way through towards Scotty who was just picking Mr Chekov up from the floor. The Enterprise was whizzing and bumping.

‘Mr Scott’ Spock had to shout to make himself heard ‘Can’t you do anything about that?’ pointing at the escaping steam.

‘Aye Commander I can’ Scotty replied ‘if I had the time and the ship was in the docking bay. But since it’s not and we’re being under attack…’ Scotty was being interrupted by another hissing sound by yet another impact from the Klingons weapons fire. ‘See what I mean sir?’

‘Can we fly out of here on impulse Mr Scott?’

‘I’m sure gonna try sir’ Scotty answered and ran off to save whatever he could with Pavel Chekov at his side.

Spock walked to the comm and pushed the button; ‘Captain I’m in engineering. You should have impulse engines soon Mr Scott and Mr Chekov are working on them right now’

‘Good but let them hurry it up will you?’ Kirk said ‘and see to our ‘passenger’’

‘Yes Captain on my way’

Spock ran across engineering to the brig where they had left the cryotube for double safety with two guards. When he got there he felt Scotty had repaired the impulse engine; they were moving away from the nebula and the Klingons. The shooting stopped. He saw one of the guards injured and sent both of them to the infirmary. If he couldn’t take on Khan by himself, he thought, no one could. He pulled out his phaser and entered the brig. It seemed that the cryotube was in tacked. Khan was still inside he could see his face with eyes closed. Spock sank to the floor. He needed to sit down for a minute. All of a sudden he wasn’t feeling very well. He touched his forehead; he was very warm sweaty even. His Pon Farr had started. What should he do now?  
The comm in the brig beeped. Spock got up with some difficulty. His body was protesting. ‘Yes’ he answered

‘Spock we cleared the nebula but have too much damage. We need to go back to Jupiter Station to do the necessary repairs.’

‘Acknowledge sir’ Spock said

‘Spock is everything alright there?’

‘Yes Captain’ Spock knew what had to be done. He was never going to make it back to Jupiter Station. ‘May I suggest that I take a shuttle to take Khan to the moon behind the nebula myself?’

‘What?’ Kirk shouted through the comm.

‘You heard me correctly I believe Jim’ Spock softly said.

‘Stay there’ was all Kirk could say.

Spock couldn’t do anything else really but stay there. He didn’t have the power to move a muscle, yet anyway. He knew, or rather he has been told, that later on in his Pon Farr he would become a wild animal and he didn’t want anyone on Enterprise to see him like that, not even his best friend and captain.

So when he saw Kirk’s face appear followed by Bones the ship’s doctor he shook his head; ‘Nothing you can do or say will convince me otherwise Jim’

‘What the hell is going on Spock?’ Kirk’s voice was soft when he kneeled down to see what was wrong with his friend.

Dr McCoy examined Spock and said ‘How long have you known this Spock?’

‘I felt it coming for a few days now doctor and I know I can’t make it back to Jupiter Station’

‘No you’re right about that’ Bones shook his head ‘but you should have stayed home with Nyota’

‘Can somebody tell me what the hell is going on?’ Kirk said while looking from one to the other.

Bones raised his eyebrows when he looked at Spock as to say; are you telling or am I?

Spock shook his head wiping the sweat of his brow.

‘Mr Spock is going to have his, first is it?’ he asked looking at Spock who nodded tiresome ‘his first Pon Farr. Or actually he is having the first signs already and it’s only going to get worse’

‘His what?’ Kirk stood there baffled.

‘His Pon Farr. You really don’t know what that is?’ Bones started to recite; ‘Every seven years, Vulcan males and females become aroused. They undergo a blood fever, become violent, and finally die unless they mate with someone with whom they are empathically bonded or engage in the ritual battle known as kal-if-fee. The idea is based on the mating ritual of animals on earth, notably the female ferret that also dies if it has not mated by the end of the season. Vulcans also mate outside of Pon Farr and with species other than Vulcan even if not mentally bonded with them. A common misconception is that Vulcans only have sex once every seven years. However, Pon Farr is not coincident with the sex lives of Vulcans, and they are able to have intercourse without the affliction, and thus more than once every seven years.’

‘Did you really have to embarrass me like that?’ Spock said

‘Why Mr Spock that’s an emotion and Vulcans don’t have those’ Bones chuckled.

‘Bones’ Kirk warned the doctor

‘Oh come on Jim how often does this happen?’ Bones almost begged Kirk.

Kirk rolled his eyes and sighed. ‘So if he doesn’t have sex he dies? Then it’s simple have sex’

‘Not so simple Captain’ Spock responded ‘if you listened to the doctor’s elaborate explanation you heard it has to be someone with whom I can ‘empathically bond or engage in ritual battle with’’

‘Or both’ Bones chuckled again

‘You may find this all very amusing doctor but I certainly am not’ Spock grabbed hold of his chest in agony and suppressed a cry of pain.

‘And you think you can transport Khan like this? No bloody way!’ Kirk shook his head.

‘Oh but that’s a brilliant idea’ Bones said ‘He is getting more and more violent now and if something would happen on his way there with either Khan’s cryotybe or let’s say the Klingon’s he could engage in a battle and maybe be cured although I’m not all too sure about the Klingon’s; they’re not the smartest bunch in the Universe’

‘Please Jim’ Spock whispered ‘I must go. I can’t stay here much longer and you can’t risk holding Khan much longer on the ship’

‘Very well’ Kirk agreed ‘but you’d better come back in one piece’

Spock looked at the cryotube where Khan’s eyes were still closed. He had seen Khan’s eyelashes move and not for the first time. He stood up with Kirk’s help and said trying to smile; ‘I am starting to feel much stronger now Jim thank you I will be fine I am sure of it’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a Trekkie but that doesn't mean I have all the terminology right although I tried to do my research as best as I could. I always wanted to write a sci-fi story but watching stid and writing fanfics lately (reading some here and there too) I noticed there are hardly any Spock/Khan ones. That's strange really cause Spock and Khan are more alike than Spock and Kirk intelligently I mean. (sorry Kirk) I've never written any smut what so ever so I will see where this story will take me. I hope you will like it. Please let me know what you think.
> 
> Love Kati


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock is taking Khan to a deserted moon in the first stages of his Pon Farr in a shuttle.

When Spock closed the shuttle he was overwhelmed with feelings and thoughts he never knew he had or wanted for that matter. He saw his friend and captain looking at him lifting his hand in a Vulcan salute. It deeply touched Spock. He nodded and Kirk left the shuttle bay. The shuttle bay doors opened and Spock flew out into space with the augment in his cryotube. He didn’t know how long it would take before Khan would be awake completely but it could be within the hour so he thought. Kirk would never have let him go if he knew Khan was already waking up.

He approached the nebula and thankfully there was no sign of the Klingon ship. Now all he had to do was to steer right through the nebula and straight on to the moon. Information about the moon was popping up on his screen; it was M class so it was habitable of some sort anyway. Mostly rock based and a small amount of water. He was only hoping he didn’t have to stay there too long. It didn’t look all that inviting.  
His blood was pumping and his heart racing. He was sweating and he felt like the weakness he felt before was disappearing and he was feeling how the beginning of his first Pon Farr really was going to be like. All kind of emotions started to sweep over him but most of them were very primal. He felt uneasy to say the least and he was feeling a sense of relieve to finally see the moon and the shuttle entered orbit. There were electromagnetic storms on the horizon and Spock had to concentrate hard not to crash the shuttle pod. Lightning struck on the surface from thick rolling black clouds. Spock had to steer clear of the lightning that struck every second so it seemed.The lower force winds made landing very difficult and Spock had to concentrate which was hard enough as it was in his current state. The shuttle was shaking as it entered the lower atmosphere and the constant rumbling of the thunder and lightning of the electromagnetic storm didn’t help matters much. Spock tried to focus on landing the shuttle safely and because of his condition he couldn’t do more than that.

The shuttle was halfway down when he felt the hairs in the back of his neck stand up. He turned around to see Khan standing next to the cryotube mad as hell. Somehow he had broken out of his confinement without the Vulcan hearing it as he was too busy concentrating on descending.  
Khan’s blue eyes were ominous and gloomy. His arms stretched to his sides and hands clenched to fists of rage. Spock had to fly the shuttle pod down to the ground but he couldn’t get his eyes off of Khan. He couldn’t help but feel aroused by seeing Khan standing there especially in the state he was in now. Slowly he stood up and put his hand to his side to get his phaser.

‘I am sorry’ he said in a low voice ‘but I must ask you to wait whatever you are planning to do until we are safely on the ground’

Khan looked at him breathing heavily.

That didn’t help matters Spock thought. He tightened his jaw and looked at Khan trying to hold it together ‘Sit down’

The shuttle got caught in the storm and swung to the side making both Spock and Khan lose their balance.

Khan was the first to get up and kicked the phaser away barely touching Spock’s hand who was trying to grab it. Spock grunted and crawled back up on his hands and knees. Khan had pulled himself up on a chair and kicked Spock down to the floor again all the while not saying anything. Spock was trying to get up but Khan grabbed his shirt and smacked his jaw with his fist. Spock held on to a chair and kicked Khan’s feet out from under him. Khan smashed onto the floor belly first with a grunting sound. They both got up on their feet again; Spock kicked Khan in his chest and Khan swung his fist in mid-air as Spock jumped back in time. Spock was getting angrier by the minute and if Khan wanted that it was fine by him. Khan didn’t know about his Pon Farr just yet but he would if it was up to Spock soon enough. His Pon Farr made him stronger and he could take on Khan easily. No augment was too strong for him now. He got ready to jump on top of Khan but the shuttle made a whizzing sound from going down too fast and they both fell down onto the floor. Spock looked up out the window to see that a soft landing wasn’t an option anymore. He pressed himself onto Khan with all the strength he had to protect him and before Khan could protest or push Spock away the shuttle pod crashed down on the rocks of the moon.

                                                ________________________________

Spock was the first to come to and he found himself lying on top of Khan who was still unconscious. Spock crawled up on his feet and took out the medical kit. Khan seemed alright but blood was gushing over his own forehead. Once he fixed the wound he looked around the shuttle at the damage. It looked like he would be here awhile. The damage was severe but so was his blood fever. The anger inside him was starting to build up again. He glanced over at Khan who was lying there legs spread out, his dark hair over his forehead. Spock couldn’t help but feel aroused by the very thought of touching the same man that only recently had tried to kill all of them. It was very illogical but he just couldn’t help it. There they both were on this bare rock and he needed to do something to not die of this fever. The repairs on the shuttle would have to wait. He took one step in Khan’s direction and stopped. He saw his face eyes closed shallow breathing. He took out the medical kit again and took out the tricorder. Maybe Khan had internal injuries. The tricorder didn’t sense any but Spock wasn’t too sure of it. Khan moaned and Spock took a jacket and folded it under Khan’s head. Drops of sweat from Spock’s head where dripping onto Khan’s shirt when Spock bent over to examine him further. He touched his ribs and Khan moaned again. That’s it, Spock thought, he bruised a rib in the crash. Spock had to be sure that was it and lifted Khan’s shirt. Khan’s perfect upper body made Spock gasp his blood fever rushing through his body. He hesitated at first but then he reached out his hand. He ran his hand over Khan’s ribs carefully at least as careful as he could to see which rib was bruised but he could see some bruises from where he had kicked Khan before. When he touched Khan it took all of the restraint he had left not to attack Khan right then and there. Khan was still unconscious and Spock couldn’t understand why that was. Maybe an effect of the cryotube and the crash he didn’t know off. All he knew was that his hands were on Khan’s body longer than necessary. He felt the throbbing in his loins and all he could think of was to unleash everything he had kept inside for so long onto Khan. He took Khan’s shirt in his hand and just as he wanted to rip his shirt from him he stopped himself. He saw the unconscious Khan and himself next to him with his shirt in one hand his other hand on his chest and felt disgusted. Spock let go off Khan trembling and sweating still.

He turned away from Khan, logic taking over. No he would not take advantage of a man who was out cold not even a man like Khan. He would rather die first which was probably what was going to happen now anyway. Spock stood up and walked to the shuttle door trying to open it. He used all his strength which was now a lot since he was beginning to reach his peak in Pon Farr. He started to shout and the door gave way. Spock opened it and jumped out. He screamed out in frustration. Not only did he have to fight (or mate) soon or he would die but also his supressed emotions were all coming to the surface. It was maddening. Because he was screaming so hard he didn’t hear Khan inside laughing with an evil grin on his face. All the time Spock was touching him he had been faking unconsciousness and was ready to attack Spock at any time. It was only that Spock had stopped himself or he would have… Or would he? Khan got up and touched his bruised ribs. He looked out to where Spock was crying out in frustration and smiled.

‘Well Mister Spock’ he said grinning ‘Let the games commence’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although I am a Trekkie and try to do my research there are some technical and terminology issues in my story. I'm aware of it and English not being my native language doesn't help with that either I guess so if you find something that is wrong Star Trek or grammar wise, please tell me. 
> 
> Love Kati


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As much as Khan wanted to think he was better at everything he had a damn difficult time proving it. They struggled on the moon’s surface hitting and kicking each other. Spock’s rage made him strong enough to be able to withstand the augments blows and kicks. It appeared he was just as strong as Khan was.

‘Do you think all of the repairs are finished in time?’ James Kirk looked anxious.

‘We’re doin’ the best we can Captain’ Scotty said wiping the sweat of his forehead leaving greasy traces. ‘I can’t promise anything though’

‘I understand Scotty’ Kirk said absent-minded. He frowned looking at all of the people he didn’t know working in engineering and all around the ship actually. ‘It’s just I want to go back to pick up Spock as soon as possible’

‘Aye I get that’ Scotty nodded ‘I wouldn’t want to leave him on that rock with that monster too’

Kirk looked worried when his head of engineering said those words. He patted Scotty on the back and left for the bridge.

‘Jim’ he heard while walking through the corridor. He looked behind him and Bones ran towards him holding his PADD up. ‘Jim look at this for a minute’ Bones walked along side Kirk who was going towards the turbolift.

‘What is it Bones can’t it wait?’

‘No actually it can’t it’s about the pointy eared bastard. Ah I thought that I would get your attention now’ Bones said when Jim suddenly stopped.

‘What about Spock, Bones?’ Jim thought he couldn’t take any more bad news today. The damage was more severe than they at first assumed and took longer to repair. Jim was eager to leave Jupiter Station to go back to the moon where they’d left Spock to rendezvous with the shuttle; hopefully by the time they’d arrive Spock’s Pon Farr would be over and done with.

‘Well’ Bones said choosing his words carefully ‘after they fixed most computer systems I got to download the recent medical data and that means also those of Spock’

‘And… come on Bones’ Kirk said impatiently.

‘He appeared to be further along in his Pon Farr than we expected’

‘So that means?’

‘That means that he’s now probably busy killing Khan… or vice versa. You know a battle to the death since there is no woman on that moon to mate with’

Kirk stood there looking at the doctor with disbelief in his eyes ‘So even if we were able to go now we could be too late. Is that what you’re saying?’

‘I’m sorry Jim I wish I had better news. I hate to admit it but I’ve grown rather accustomed to that hobgoblin myself’

Kirk turned around and stepped into the turbolift. Right before the turbolift doors closed he looked at his friend and whispered; ‘Thanks Bones’

When the doors closed Bones stood there thinking he’d never seen his friend and Captain looking so helpless before.

                                       ____________________________________________

When Khan decided to come out of the shuttle it had become dark outside. The temperature had dropped immensely so he was forced to put on a Starfleet jacket against the cold. He looked around to look for Spock but he didn’t see him. Khan went back inside the shuttle to look for a phaser and a knife. He was not about to let himself be killed by that Vulcan. Armed to the teeth he went back out to look for Spock. He started to walk and it wasn’t long before he heard something. Vulcan mumbling so he thought. He walked on and saw a flickering of a fire and there was Spock at the entrance of a cave. He didn’t hear Khan coming as he seemed to be deep in meditation. Khan stood still and watched him for a while wondering what his next move had to be. He made the decision to climb up on the rocks so he could jump from above on top of Spock and kill him with his bare hands. Khan started climbing like a cat onto the rocks. Some small pebbles rolled down off the rocks. Khan hoped Spock wouldn’t have heard that.

But Spock did. His Vulcan ears had spotted Khan coming from a great distance and he was prepared. Slowly but quietly he moved so that he could jump whenever it was needed. The meditation had helped him somewhat but his blood fever was still racing through his body. Khan didn’t know what was coming. He clenched his jaw all the while still murmuring his Vulcan chant so that Khan wouldn’t know he’d heard him.

It took Khan a while before he was at the top of the cave. He sat there and looked down waiting for the best time to jump. But then all of a sudden he took the leap and jumped down. Spock had anticipated this and jumped up over the fire. Khan fell down onto the ground just where Spock had been sitting moments ago. He made a grunting noise and Spock turned around quickly anticipating Khan’s attack. But Khan was lying on the ground not moving. Spock took a step closer ‘Get up!’ he yelled ‘Don’t pretend. Fight come on fight that’s what you want isn’t it’

He didn’t get a response and walked towards him carefully. Spock gave Khan a soft kick with his right foot. Khan didn’t react and Spock felt the anger built up inside again. He stood in front of Khan, legs slightly apart hands on behind his back. ‘Well not the big fighting-machine after all are you?’

Suddenly Khan reached out his arm and pulled Spock’s left leg out from under him and he fell on the ground next to Khan. With a mean maniacal laugh Khan got up, took out his phaser and pointed it at Spock. ‘Well mister Spock, it’s not so funny anymore when the roles are reversed is it?’

Spock lay on the floor on his back looking up at Khan. ‘So you’re going to shoot me just like that?’

‘I guess so’ Khan grinned ‘do you have another idea? I’m all ears’ Khan laughed at his own silly joke.

‘Funny’ Spock growled ‘and who do you think is going to repair the shuttle? You? Any skills in that area? Oh but forgive me, I forgot. You are better…’

‘Sarcasm mister Vulcan’ Khan said with a hint of admiration in his voice and scratched his head with the tip of the phaser. ‘On second thought; I could kill you after you’ve repaired the shuttle’

‘If you’re supposed to be better at everything you can do it easily by yourself’ Spock sat up crossing his arms. ‘Plus has anyone ever told you it’s not wise to scratch your head with a loaded phaser?’

‘It’s not’

‘It’s not what?’

‘Loaded’

‘What?’

‘It’s not loaded mister Spock. Neither is yours. I’m guessing it has something to do with the magnetic field of this moon plus the electromagnetic storms; at least that’s my conclusion’

He hadn’t said it or it started rumbling in the distance again followed by several flashes of lightning.

Spock took out his phaser and looked at it.

‘Fine don’t believe me’ Khan walked away ‘but I do have a knife Spock’ he added waving the knife in the air. ‘If you get any illogical idea’s’ He laughed again.

‘I thought you wanted to kill me’ Spock said walking after him.

‘I do but first things first’ Khan turned around with a mysterious smile on his face that Spock didn’t trust. He had to do something and it had to be done now.

Spock jumped on top of Khan before he could walk any further. ‘I bet if I get anywhere near my shuttle you’re going to blow me up or something don’t you. Well I’m going to finish it right here’

Spock’s arms were around Khan’s throat before he could walk any further and Khan was trying to fight him off. As much as Khan wanted to think he was better at everything he had a damn difficult time proving it. They struggled on the moon’s surface hitting and kicking each other. Spock’s rage made him strong enough to be able to withstand the augments blows and kicks. It appeared he was just as strong as Khan was. Every blow to the head Khan gave him he could easily endure. He hit Khan over and over again until the blood gusted out of Khan’s cheekbone. The anger and blood fever made him blind to think straight so it seemed. At one time Spock was manoeuvring himself on top of Khan. He sat on Khan’s stomach and kept hitting him. Finally all Khan could do was raise his hands to defend himself but it didn’t help him much. If he thought before he could effortlessly take on Spock he had another thing coming.

While he felt Spock’s beatings he could only think back at the time he was with Marcus and Marcus kept hitting him while he was chained. The humiliation and despair he’d felt then. The need for revenge was born there, no even before then. When he and Kati and Joachim and the others were made and lived in India where they’re creators hit them as well, abused them even. Khan turned away his face in shame thinking of it now when Spock kept hitting him where ever he could. He had sworn he would never let anyone do that to him ever again and there he was. His family still in captivity, frozen even now and he was lying on some barren moon being beaten to death; he just couldn’t anymore. ‘Please stop’ he whispered on the verge of tears ‘Please Spock stop’

At first Spock didn’t hear him but when Khan kept on begging (he’d never begged for mercy in his life) he stopped and looked at him. He saw the augment’s tears and what he’d done to him and stopped.  
He looked closely at Khan but stayed where he was; sitting on his stomach; his blood fever not completely gone but slowly reducing.

He was intrigued when he looked at Khan wondered what he was thinking and before he knew it his hands touched Khan’s face wiping away the tears. His fingers locked onto Khan’s head for a mind meld and before long he saw all Khan’s thoughts about his youth and childhood, about the abuse and about Marcus. But what he didn’t realize in time was that when a Vulcan is in Pon Farr and he performs a mind meld he is bonding with that person for life.

Spock’s mind to Khan’s mind; Spock’s thoughts to Khan’s thoughts.

Khan froze during the mind meld; he wanted to scream and maybe he did. He thought his head was going to explode with all the thoughts rushing through his mind. Spock’s thoughts, his thoughts; at one point he wasn’t even sure where his thoughts began and Spock’s ended.

Spock broke of the mind meld and they looked at each other with different eyes. Spock stood up and helped Khan get up. He helped him to the shuttle where they both went inside and tended to Khan’s wounds.  
The things he’d seen in Khan’s mind Spock thought while healing his wounds were something he’d hoped he’d never have to see again or Khan for that matter.  
As Spock was touching the wound on Khan’s cheekbone he softly said; ‘I am sorry Khan. I shouldn’t have. It is illogical it is… I don’t know…‘ Spock’s voice broke; still under influence of his Pon Farr, still not able to control his emotions.

Khan didn’t talk. He just sat there. After a while he put his hand on Spock’s arm and said; ‘It’s all right’ and smiled;  
an honest heartfelt warm smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Khan and Spock have a 'slightly' different character then you'd expect I think. But I start to write and let my thoughts and fingers do the work. What comes out, comes out and how ever they come out I let it. ^-^  
> I do hope the terminology is okay; I did my best in the research of it. 
> 
> Please leave your comments it's much appreciated. :) 
> 
> Love Kati


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock would rather die than hurt Khan. He walks of still suffering from his blood fever. He knows he will die if they're bond won't be matured.

Khan was still sleeping and Spock was lying next to him and observed him. Khan looked better than before Spock thought which was good because he still needed to mate and make this bond stronger. His blood fever needed to be fed so it could be over and done with. Spock hesitated and thought of Khan’s thoughts about his youth and the abuse he’d gone through even under admiral Marcus. He would never take advantage of his t’hy’la; his lover; if only he could do something to help him forget the pain. Spock’s hand touched Khan’s bruised cheekbone and he saw Khan quiver in his sleep. He had given Khan something for the pain even though Khan had refused at first. His bruised ribs and cheekbone among other things were bad enough. Spock felt a shiver going up and down his spine when he touched the man that was now his bondmate if only still psychologically. They really had to make the bond a physical one as well his body was aching for it.  
Spock’s fingers found Khan’s temple and locked onto his head to meld. He closed his eyes and he sent Khan his thoughts.

‘No!’ Khan rose up with his eyes wide open. ‘No don’t you touch me, take your filthy hands off me’

Khan didn’t seem to see Spock sitting beside him; his look was bewildered his forehead sweaty.

‘I need you’ Spock said touching Khan again. ‘Please let me…’

‘NO!’ Khan pushed him away looking at him but not seeing.

‘It is all right ashayam’ Spock said softly ‘I will leave you’

He made Khan lay down again and left the shuttle. It was still dark outside and freezing but Spock was hot from his blood fever. He couldn’t rely on Khan being well soon enough to help him get rid of his fever. Spock looked up at the sky. It was a clear sky with thousands of stars. The electric storms had passed for now but that would probably not be for long. Spock sank down on a rock and held his head in his hands. He just couldn’t believe that is was probably the last time that he would see those stars so far away. Not to be able to travel in space among them anymore but stay here until he would be dead which would not be long now. He tilted his head and howled a scary scream as a wolf to the moon. Mr Spock a man who always shielded his emotions cried right then and there. He would never do what he loved the most anymore. He would never see his friends again he would never… He fell down on his knees and wept bitter tears.

                                                                   ____________________________________

 

Khan woke up with a jolt and a pain; an ache like he had never felt before. His head hurt and somewhere deep inside he felt tormented. He didn’t know where exactly but he felt the pain nagging; eating away at him. He tried to stand up but it was like he was beaten in his stomach or something. He couldn’t understand it. He was Khan! He was healing quicker than others, he was better and now he was feeling inadequate. He even felt a deep feeling of a loss a need to cry. He felt nauseous and sick. Khan got up and stumbled to the shuttle door hanging on to all he could grab. When he woke up he thought he’d heard a cry. He stepped outside careful not to fall into the cold night air. He stood still and listened. There; there it was again! Vague now; was it a cry or was it the wind? He heard a moaning of sorts and again feeling the desperation inside himself. The pain in his head became worse; the nagging in his stomach more severe.  
Where was Spock? He felt very tired and not sure if what had happened the other day was what he wanted but it had happened and there was a bond. He could feel it somehow only it was getting weaker by the minute and these feelings of distress were sickening! He needed to get rid of it.  
All of a sudden he felt a desolation like never before. He sank down on his knees and felt the emptiness inside. No, Spock, no; Khan could feel the bond they had crumbling.

‘Spock! Where are you?’ Khan shouted in despair. He got up on his feet with great difficulty and started to run as best he could. His ribs hurt like hell but he didn’t care; he needed to find Spock.

While he was running he kept on calling Spock’s name. It seemed like forever but then he saw something; he almost tripped over him in the dark. It was Spock lying on the dusty ground arms wrapped around him. Khan knelt down and felt his pulse; it was very faint but it was still there.

‘Spock’ Khan whispered touching his forehead ‘Spock I’m here’

Spock moaned but nothing else.

Khan lifted Spock up and carried him back to the shuttle trying to be as quick as he could. Clouds were rolling in and the electric storm was about to burst out into its full glory. Khan looked up to the sky and lightning was flashing nearby.  
They made it to the shuttle in time before the storm bursted out.  
Khan put Spock down and tried to give him some water. When Spock finally swallowed some water he coughed and opened his eyes.

‘You should have left me there Khan’ he mouthed closing his eyes flinching in pain.

‘I shouldn’t have done no such thing’ Khan softly said putting a wet cloth on Spock’s forehead.   
‘You still have that blood fever don’t you? Why didn’t you say something’ Khan shook his head. ‘I could’ve helped’

Spock opened his eyes again; ‘No you could not. Leave me. I will die alone’

‘You stubborn green blooded…’ Khan started.

‘Leave me alone’ Spock said again turning his head this time.

‘I don’t know what you did to me the other day but you hurt me’ Khan tried ‘I mean it hurt me when you were gone. I could even feel it when you almost died out there. It hurt just as… as much as losing my family’ Khan felt tears well up in his eyes again. He hated that.  
‘So don’t you turn away from me; you changed me already. I feel different inside when I’m with you or when I’m apart from you. When I thought you were gone I felt desperate and forlorn. I never want to feel like that again! So don’t push me away.’

Khan took Spock’s hand in his hands and placed it on his forehead. ‘Please Spock I don’t know what you did to me but don’t shut me out now. My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts’

Spock turned his head slowly and faced Khan; ‘I do not want to cause you pain again’ he quietly said.

‘Cause me pain?’ Khan asked tilting his head to look at Spock.

Spock looked distressed which was extraordinary for a Vulcan. Khan sat beside him and caressed Spock’s head that was lying on his lap.

‘When I saw your thoughts’ Spock said ‘You have had so much pain in your life; people taking advantage of you abusing you even. I do not want to do that I would rather die’

Khan didn’t answer right away. He sat there stroking Spock’s head thinking. Then he said; ‘If you don’t mature the bond you will die correct?’

‘Yes I will’ Spock replied ‘But I do not wish…’

Khan silenced him with a gesture of his hand. ‘So the logical thing to do is to mature our bond and mate’

Spock tried to get up but Khan wouldn’t let him. ‘Rest a while you will need your strength later’ Khan placed his hand on Spock’s chest and looked him in the eyes.

‘I do not need to rest any further’ Spock responded his eyes becoming clearer as he sensed what Khan was about to do.

Khan took Spock’s hand and nodded ‘Then preform a mind meld now and don’t protest again’

Spock sat upright and faced Khan with his hand on Khan’s face he mumbled; ‘Your mind to my mind, your thoughts to my thoughts’

Both men were connected immediately and Spock saw all Khan’s fears were gone but one; the fear of losing Spock now he was his bondmate. He felt how Khan was feeling when Spock nearly died lying there on the moon’s surface and how he felt when he’d found him and even the feelings of how Khan always was aware of being better and stronger and now fearing to be weak because of how he thought about Spock and the fear of losing him.

Spock broke the meld; his eyes met Khan’s and he could see the longing because of the bond he had read it in his mind.

Spock’s fever overtook him and he wanted to rip Khan’s clothes off. He took his head in his hands and kissed him first gentle then rougher. His tongue slid in Khan’s mouth and they both started to breathe heavily. Spock’s hands reached for Khan’s shirt and his hands slid under it to touch his bare back. Khan quavered not at least of the bruises Spock touched that hadn’t healed properly yet.

The storm outside had reached the shuttle which shook with every blow of thunder. Lighting of the electric storm flashed of and on.  
The storm inside matched the storm outside.

It was a grabbing of clothes and pulling off pants while kissing each other. They were preparing each other to mate.

Spock growled when he kissed Khan’s naked chest and he pulled his bare bum with his hands towards him. He bit Khan softly in his neck still making strange rumbling noises. Then he entered Khan and made him his.  
They were so occupied with their bonding that they didn’t hear the comm beeping.

                                    

                                                                           _____________________________________

 

‘Oh for crying out loud’ Bones shouted turning away at the sight of the two naked men ‘put some clothes on will you? Mr Spock, really?’

Kirk walked in behind Bones and just stood there looking at his commander and the man who once tried to kill all of them.

‘Captain!’ Spock grabbed his pants, put them on quickly and stood up. Khan chuckled and just took his shirt and kept it in front of his private parts.

‘Spock’ Kirk nodded with small gesture at Khan ‘I guess your blood fever is over and done with?’

‘Yes Captain it is’ Spock responded.

‘Good. We did try to contact you but thought your comm was malfunctioning’

‘I am sorry Captain. I… we… were otherwise engaged’

‘Why Mr Spock you’re blushing’ Bones said pointing at the flushed green cheeks of the Vulcan.

‘Bones’ Kirk warned.

‘Sorry Captain’ Bones turned with a grin ‘I’ll fetch the medkit’ and walked out.

‘Didn’t ya have that in yar hand when ya came in?’ Scotty’s voice came from outside followed by a; ‘they’re what?’ when Bones explained.

Kirk closed the shuttle door before Scotty had time to have a nosy look.

‘Well’ he said ‘Spock now that you did what you came for we can repair the shuttle and the cryotube and put Khan back in’

‘What!’ Khan and Spock said both at the same time.

‘You heard me perfectly’

Spock pulled his shirt over his head and Khan got dressed as well.

‘Captain you cannot put Khan back in there and leave him here’

‘And why not?’ Kirk asked. ‘You were supposed to do whatever was necessary to get rid of your blood fever and leave him remember?’

‘Jim’ Spock spoke softly making Kirk turn his head.

‘Spock no don’t’

‘Jim please I am asking you as my friend’

‘Spock you know you can’t ask me that. I have to think of what Starfleet wants me to do not what my commander wants as a fuckbuddy’

‘Hey!’ Khan jumped up looking all sweaty and steamy still ‘That’s not fair’  
  
Kirk felt he was getting angrier by the minute being in the same room with Khan witnessing what he just had to watch.

‘No what you did that was fair’ he snarled. ‘You are forgetting you still have punishment awaiting you’

‘If I didn’t know better I’d say you were jealous Captain’ Khan took a step closer and came almost head to head with Kirk.

‘Oh yeah well if I didn’t know better…’ Kirk started before Spock interrupted.

‘Stop that! Khan, do not antagonise the Captain please and Captain please…’ he stopped himself there looking at his friend’s face with his eyebrow raised.

Khan pulled away and took Spock’s offered hand.

‘Jim, understand that we bonded for life. If you put Khan in cryostasis now you might as well put me there too. I feel connected to him, what he feels I feel what I feel he feels. He is now my life mate, my bondmate. We Vulcans bond for life you know that. If he has to stay here on this barren moon then so will I’

Kirk looked at his friend and shook his head; ‘I know Spock but that doesn’t mean I have to like it’ and stepped out of the shuttle.

Bones came in; ‘Right you two let me examine you first before we return to Enterprise’

‘Return to Enterprise, Doctor?’ Spock asked surprised.

Bones took out his tricorder; ‘Yeah you didn’t think Jim would leave you both out here now did you?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do hope you like this Spock/Khan fic. Please leave me your comments. :) 
> 
> Thank you!   
> Love Kati


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr Spock is back on the Enterprise. (can't say much without giving this chapter away)

‘What do you think Bones?’ James Kirk’s voice sounded troubled Spock thought.

‘I don’t know what to tell you Jim’ the doctor’s voice came from the other side of the room ‘there’s really nothing I can tell you that you don’t know already’

Distant voices, soft speaking voices but still recognisably the captain and the doctor. Spock did not know where he was or why actually. Was he lying on a biobed? Was this the medical bay but why was he here and why was his captain so concerned? He could feel it like he always could if the captain was anxious or had other intense feelings for that matter. He could not open his eyes or say something to let them know he overheard their conversation. He heard the captain say his good bye to the doctor and walk towards the biobed where he was on. He could feel Jim’s hand touching his arm for a brief moment and he heard the captain walking away. The lights were dimmed and Spock drifted into another restless sleep.  
  


‘Spock don’t let them freeze me again’ Khan’s voice made him shiver ‘Spock stop them, please help me. They’re putting me in cryostasis again! SPOCK!’

Spock saw Khan being pushed and shoved his hands restrained again. Panic was in Khan’s eyes as he was looking at Spock while he was being led through the corridor to the cargo bay where he would be put into his cryotube. ‘Spock, damn you, help me you promised!’ Spock saw Khan begging for his life and it hurt him. He could not understand why the captain had broken his promise to him. Moments ago they had transported them off the moon and they never said anything about Khan being put back into cryostasis. He could not believe they had lied to him. He reached out to Khan but Khan was gone. Spock’s head hurt and he moaned.

‘Damn Spock stay still why do you have to be so difficult?’ Bones said taking Spock’s hands away from his head ‘Now it’s bleeding again. Nurse Chapel will you come and assist please?’ Bones called out to the nurse.

‘Oh what has he done now’ with quick hands nurse Chapel helped the doctor holding Spock’s hands while Bones injected Spock with a sedative.

‘I really don’t know Christine’ Bones mumbled more to himself then to nurse Chapel ‘I really don’t know what’s going on in the hobgoblin’s mind. I wish I did so I could help him’

       ----

Bones excited the turbolift and walked onto the bridge. ‘Jim, can I talk to you for a minute?’ he asked his captain who just had given the order to set a course to New Vulcan.

‘Bones, don’t tell me…’ Jim didn’t finish his sentence.

‘No no don’t worry nothing like that but I really think you should come to med bay’

Jim looked at him ‘There’s more isn’t there?’

‘Yes but I would like to talk to you in person on our way to med bay’

‘Mr Sulu you have the bridge’

‘Aye sir’ Mr Sulu said.

Jim and Bones stepped into the turbolift and Jim said ‘Well don’t just stand there Bones spill. What’s wrong? Should I get worried now?’

‘Well I’m not sure to be honest’ Bones scratched his head and looked at Jim. He looked tired with bags under his eyes from too many hours without sleep.

‘What does that even mean?’ Jim raised his voice.

‘Jim’ Bones touched his arm ‘I mean that I don’t really know why he doesn’t wake up. Sure he had a concussion but that can’t be the reason why he’s still out cold. There has to be more than that. He’s restless in his sleep you know. Mumbling something and I could have sworn it was…’

‘What? Tell me, it was what?’

‘It was Khan’s name. But not in anger in a loving way that’s the strange thing’

Jim didn’t know what to say when he heard that. The turbolift doors opened and Bones stepped out but Jim just stood there baffled.

‘Jim? Are you alright?’

‘He… he doesn’t love Khan, Bones’

‘No I know that, it doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, that’s why you need to come maybe you need to spend more time with him, talk to him, sit with him, if he hears your voice maybe that will help. If not the Vulcan healers can probably help but I’d much rather you’d help him’

Jim nodded ‘I will try Bones’

He pulled up a chair and sat next to the biobed. He placed his hand on Spock’s head where his fingers touched the bioelectrical focal points for a mind meld just like Spock had taught him. ‘My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thought’ Jim said softly.

Bones had lowered the lights with 25% and had left the room but was near so if anything went wrong he could intervene.

Jim sank into Spock’s mind. He saw himself in the corridor of the ship outside medbay next to Spock. Spock looked frightened and for a Vulcan who was hiding his emotions that was saying something. Spock started running and Jim followed him. They ran through several corridors Spock pushing crewmembers aside, until they reached one of the cargo bays. Spock stopped and opened the door. The cargo bay was empty Jim thought but wait there was one thing standing close to the cargo bay doors; it was Khan’s cryotube. They walked towards it and Spock looked inside. Khan was still awake and they looked at each other. Khan had a look of terror on his face. Khan put his hand on the glass and Spock did the same. Jim took a step back; No, that was the same gesture Spock had made when he was in the radiation chamber and was dying. Jim took another step back and was overwhelmed with emotions. Suddenly an alarm went off and Spock, Khan and Jim reacted all at the same time. The cargo bay doors were opening! Spock was clinging on to the cryotube for dear life and Khan was screaming but couldn’t be heard. They were all about to be sucked out of Enterprise Jim thought and found something to grab onto.

‘Spock step away from the cryotube’ Jim yelled but it was no use, Spock couldn’t hear him.

Jim realised it was all in Spock’s mind and his eyes flew open. Spock was agitated in his sleep again. He had to make him understand he was dreaming and he had to wake up. Jim went back into the meld and concentrated.

‘Spock, are you there? Listen to me; you have had an accident on the planet on an away mission. You’ve hurt your head and since then you are lying in med bay. You’re dreaming Spock. It isn’t real. Khan is on Earth. Please wake up. It’s not real’

Jim tried his best to talk to Spock but all he could see was the image of the cargo bay doors opening further and Spock being at risk to be sucked out of the ship. He could only imagine if that were to happen in Spock’s dreams he would die in real life as well.  
He couldn’t let that happen.

‘Spock come back to me’ he thought ‘I’m your t’hy’la, don’t leave me’

‘It’s no use’ Jim thought crying bitter tears seeing Spock lying on the cryotube in his mind.

With his fingers still on Spock’s temple he rested his head on Spock’s chest and cried out of frustration.

‘Ca-captain? Jim?’ a soft voice stammered and when he didn’t get an immediate response he moved his hand and placed it on Jim’s head.

Jim raised his head and looked at Spock who was finally awake.

‘Oh god Spock’ Jim laughed and cried at the same time.

‘Ashayam’ Spock smiled a weary smile.

Bones who’d heard the commotion came running tricorder in hand ‘Why Mr Spock you’re back’

‘It seems so doctor’ Spock replied.

‘Everything seems normal again but I’d like to keep you here for at least another night Spock’ and when Bones saw both Spock and Jim starting to protest he said ‘One night for observation isn’t a lot to ask after what you’ve been through. We almost lost you there’

‘Well we’d better listen to the doctor’s orders then’ Jim said.

‘What did happen to you Spock? I mean all we know is that you went on an away mission on that planet and you came back with a head injury but that’s not what you remember is it’ Bones looked at Spock who looked a bit green.

‘Are you feeling all right?’ Jim asked feeling worried.

‘Yes I am. It is not a pleasant thing to remember but I do feel I owe you both an explanation. Especially you Jim; I am glad you remembered how to perform a mind meld but you have seen now what occupied my mind while I was unconscious and it must not come between us.’

‘It won’t. Don’t worry whatever it is you can tell me’

‘I know Jim’ Spock put his hand on Jim’s ‘Doctor did I have a fever from my injuries?’

‘Yes you did why?’

‘Because that will probably explain why my mind made me believe why I experienced Pon Farr; that in combination with the whole situation with Khan more recent that has occupied my mind more than it should have, has triggered these illusive thoughts that manifested in my dreams. But you are the doctor’

Bones frowned ‘Well that is a very likely explanation’

‘But what were those thoughts?’ Jim asked ‘All I saw, was you clinging on to that damn cryotube’

‘Before I will tell you’ Spock sighed ‘You must understand it has no meaning. I am very much in love with you still and you are my bondmate’

‘Spock, don’t start to worry me now’ Jim said.

‘He’s right you know, those dreams he didn’t have any control over what so ever’ Bones chipped in.

‘Thank you doctor’ Spock said.

‘So what were they? You and Khan, don’t tell me you were bondmates? Oh god you didn’t fuck him did you? Spock!’

‘Here we go’ Bones shook his head ‘jealousy rears its ugly head and don’t use those explicit words here will you?’ Bones cringed.

Spock started to talk and he talked until Bones said it was enough and he needed to rest. He talked like he had never talked before. He even apologised to Jim for doing things to Khan he didn’t even do for only in his dreams only to comfort his love. When Spock was resting Jim lay close to him holding him never to let go.

The next day Bones released Spock with the restriction he couldn’t get to work for a week. Spock didn’t like it but Jim was adamant as well ‘I don’t want to see you on the bridge Commander for the next 7 days’

‘Aye Captain’ Spock smiled faintly.

Jim brought Spock to their quarters and put him to bed. He was going to take very good care of him.

Spock was lying in bed watching Jim fussing over him and thought about the dreams he had. Or more nightmares come to think of it. He could not believe his mind had taken him to a place like that doing things he would not do with a man he hated in real life. He looked at the man who was his mate and smiled; he would forget. It would take some time but eventually he would forget; if only for his love for Jim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inbetween writing this fic and writing other shorts I was also reading some other fanfics. I wanted to know why everyone was shipping Spirk. As I was reading those I could see it. It is more logical as mr Spock would say. I love Khan (the Khan from stid) but Spock and Kirk are better together. So my final chapter had to be changed. I hope you like the way it has turned out. 
> 
> love Kati

**Author's Note:**

> I am a Trekkie but that doesn't mean I have all the terminology right although I tried to do my research as best as I could. I always wanted to write a sci-fi story but watching stid and writing fanfics lately (reading some here and there too) I noticed there are hardly any Spock/Khan ones. That's strange really cause Spock and Khan are more alike than Spock and Kirk intelligently I mean. (sorry Kirk) I've never written any smut what so ever so I will see where this story will take me. I hope you will like it. Please let me know what you think. 
> 
> Love Kati


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